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We all get angry at times and it’s perfectly normal. But some of us have a tendency to lose control over ourselves when we get really angry, and this is a serious problem. If you have an anger problem, people will think you’re very strong, formidable and dangerous. But the irony is that, it’s you who’s the true victim, not the people you are taking it out on.
Being someone who had an acute anger problem and is now completely cured, I can tell you, there’s no need to feel like you’re born like that and there’s no solution to this problem. There indeed are many, and they work.
A) Setting the ground: The following are the ways in which you should prepare yourself.
1. Identify your problem: You have to first be able to identify that your anger is different from normal. Possible symptoms of anger problem include getting angry frequently, for relatively trivial reasons, getting violent or shouting madly when angry, and most importantly feeling out of control and deep down, helpless, when angry.
2. Be willing to solve it: This is a crucial step with which I struggled the most, like the majority. They feel (as did I) that their anger is justified, and the people with who they are angry should “pay for what they have done.” Problem arises in changing this mindset because, this is often true. It is an unjust world, everything will not be fair and square, and more often than not, your anger will indeed be ‘right.’ But always remind yourself, every single one of us in this whole wide world has faced various kinds of unfair treatment in his or her life. This thought should help you to want to be less angry, as it always did, in my case.
3. Get help from friends and family: Now that you know you have a problem and want to solve it, explain this to your friends, family or partner-the people most affected by your anger problem. Tell them to try to control their own tendency to talk back when you start saying mad things to them, and to try to soothe you instead by saying something kind. Thankfully I was able to explain my problem to my partner, who have since then always said something like “I love you!”, whenever I began to get angry with him. This went a long way in solving my problem (and saved our relationship too!).
B) In the battlefield: These are a few strategies you can follow to keep you cool if something that makes you angry does happen.
4. Distract yourself: When you feel the first signs of your anger rising, do everything you can to ‘move away’ from the situation. This might mean physically going away, or if it is not possible (your boss is shouting at you), moving your focus away from the present situation, so that mentally you’re somewhere else. For this you can try the following.
a) Do the old ‘deep-breathing thing’. I too thought something as simple as that couldn’t work, but it does. Draw a breath for 10 seconds, hold it for 5 seconds, and then take 10 seconds to release it. Do this as many times as you like.
b) Think of something nice (how about Harry Potter?).
c) Call your opponent a name in your mind and imagine them to be really that (try visualizing a ‘dirtbag’ shouting at you.), so that you feel amused.
In my experience I’ve found that counting from 1 to 10 doesn’t work, unless it is accompanied by deep breathing.
C) After the war: At times, even after the situation has eased, you might have found yourself unable to relax. This happens especially in the unfortunate event of your having been unable to calm yourself using the above techniques, at the difficult moment. Don’t worry. You can still fix it.
5. Calm yourself: These are a few things you can do in this regard.
a) Keep a REALLY GOOD book of jokes in your bag. I promise you’ll feel better if you spend just 5 minutes reading this. But remember, the book has to be really good, (thankfully, it was in my case) otherwise, besides feeling angry for other reasons, you’ll invariably start feeling angry with the author!
b) Tell yourself, “I’m not angry. No. I’m NOT angry.” Say this to yourself in a soothing way, as if you’re talking to a child.
D) Taking a long-term view: The subtitle says it all. These are the long term strategies that you can adopt to cure your problem.
6. Develop reading habit: Become a member of a good library. Go there and read for at least 45minutes/1 hour, everyday if possible. Even if you can’t make it a part of your daily routine, make sure you go to the library on the days when ‘something goes wrong’. Read good books, preferably non-fiction. This way, you’ll get to know about a whole lot of new things, which will give you a deep sense of satisfaction. Remember, the author is a great man, far greater than the people around you, so unlike them, he’ll never make you angry. He’ll only enlighten you with the knowledge of the world.
7. Start learning something new: This works wonders, because the enthusiasm of a learner who has just started learning something is probably even more powerful than anger. This works especially when you’ve tried everything else and they are not working. With me this had happened only once, when I started learning French. I started that very moment with online courses, and it worked literally like magic, making me forget my anger completely within half an hour. (Salut! I’m still learning!)
I personally used and benefited from each of the strategies that I’ve shared with you here. So I strongly hope they’ll work for you too. For more such tips and personal help on anger-management and other self-help topics visit www.changeyourlifenow.co.nr.
If you want to ask me something I’ll be very happy to help you out with it. Until then, happy anger-managing!
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